I don’t mean forever…come on.
This is for those afraid to be alone, jump from relationship to relationship with no time in between, in constant search for “the one”– those whose grandma asks how long you’re going to be single every time you talk. This is not a persuasion to become single, only reassurance and lessons to those that already are. If you’ve just graduated, or just ended a relationship, or just moved to a new city, or you’ve never truly been alone–take some time to stay single.
#3- Dive into life
Relationships require a good amount of time, so being single is the perfect opportunity to catch up with old friends, make new friends, and spend lots of time with family. Your S.O. usually demotes your high school BFF to second place, so while he/she is still sitting at first, take advantage. Have a girls night out, or crack open a cold one with the boys. Open more doors–if you don’t have one, work towards a degree or certificate. If you’ve got one, pursue something higher. Take this time to venture out and make some crazy fun choices. Make that big and probably completely unnecessary purchase without having to talk to someone about it. Take an unplanned trip with your friend. Hit the outlets and splurge on running gear for YOURSELF– guilt free.
Be genuinely spontaneous.
Two weeks ago my friend asked if I wanted to go skydiving. I thought for a second and said, sure, what the hell, I’m in–just like that. Not that you lose your freedom once you’ve happily settled, just the beauty of not always needing to “get with someone” first. Couples can be spontaneous together, but not often does one partner act spontaneously alone (you should probably consult your S.O. before randomly skydiving with a friend). Do what you want, when you want. Don’t get too wild–remember, WWJD? (In case you’re wondering, Jesus would probably skydive)(Or maybe that’s Drake’s acronym…).
#2- Educate- Understand the past, recognize the future.
This is a good one. Use this time to reflect on what caused past relationship(s) to fail–remember, love is always a two way street. If your past S.O. was unfaithful, ask yourself what may have caused the desire to look elsewhere. This can be painful, but necessary. Could you have given more of your time and attention? Given more affection? If you felt suffocated from their trust issues, reflect on how you could’ve been more reassuring, possibly avoiding the doubt of loyalty. Something, somewhere took a wrong turn, and it’s imperative you find out where and why. Without knowing the cause, we cannot alter the effect. There are a few bad ones out there that may not change no matter your efforts, but for the most part, if two people are willing, any relationship can succeed.
Don’t just reflect on your past relationship(s); this is the perfect opportunity to reflect on the relationships around you, too. Absorb what you do and don’t want in a partner. If there’s a couple you know and admire, reflect on what makes their relationship work so well. Is it friendship? Understanding? Patience? Recognize those characteristics and practice them daily. Do the same for that couple that can sometimes make you cringe– is there a lack of trust? Obvious insecurities? Unwilling to compromise? Ask yourself if you possess those negative traits, and work hard to train yourself out of them. You must be honest with yourself. You are in control of who you are and where you will go–Dr. Seuss taught us that. Really study what turns you on and off with those around you. You get to be a student in the class of love, tuition free.
This will definitely help create a higher standard for yourself. Never jump at the first guy or girl that slides in your DM’s. It’s easy to confuse a connection with flat out loneliness; never, ever date out of boredom. Wait for someone who feels right, treats you the way you want to be treated and pushes you to be the best you.
You have to know exactly who you are before you can love someone wholeheartedly. When we spend an abundant amount of time with someone, we tend to merge into one another. We pick up their habits, likes, language and even their body movements (creepy, right?). When a relationship ends, take two steps back and evaluate who you were together, and then evaluate who you are now without them.
If you’re like me, leaving the only real relationship you’ve ever had after 5+ years, you feel completely lost after the breakup. I was so young when we met that I grew and experienced everything with him and nothing alone. When it was over, I felt like I was half a person. To complete myself, my true self, I had to discover who I was outside of the “us”.
A beautiful and liberating experience.
Enjoy this time, my friend. Spend your nights soaking in the tub, jogging at sunrise, or reading for hours at a coffee shop. Why do people associate the single life with one-night stands and bar hopping…stereo-type much? Work on your self-love, education, and mind-set. Your relationships will continue to fail if you don’t truly know and genuinely love who you are.
Learn to Love Yourself
Acknowledge your flaws–if you don’t like something about yourself, change it or make peace with it. Overcome all of your insecurities; be confident in yourself as a person who is capable of being loved. Surely I can’t be the only one who finds confidence sexy? After you make peace with your flaws, build on your strengths. Take college courses, apply for promotions, volunteer at shelters, smile more, worry less, and stay active. Be a better you EVERYDAY- no excuses. You’ll grow so comfortable in your own presence that you’ll finally stop looking for love. Boom.
If you don’t use your alone time wisely, learn from the past, recognize what causes relationships to succeed/fail and you don’t truly love yourself, you’re setting yourself up for failure. You’ll enter a relationship looking for someone to ‘complete’ you, when you should enter a relationship as a whole to begin with. If you don’t get over your insecurities, you’ll find yourself in constant worry your S.O. will find someone else who has what you feel you lack, leading to major trust issues. If you don’t discover who you are and what you like, you may subconsciously cling to your S.O. and suffocate them–leading to failure. Please, for the love of divorce statistics, stay single until you’re a whole, wise, and self-loving individual.
I’m not waiting for someone to show up and fit the part–instead I’m living my best life. It is always better to be alone than lying next to someone every night who doesn’t make you happy. I won’t risk my peace of mind for just anyone–and I’m totally OK if that man comes around in 5 weeks or 5 years (sorry, grandma), because I feel nothing short of loved every single day.
Never seek love among crowds. Seek it within and above. Then trust that everything else will fall into place.
Also–Can you believe my first time on a plane, I jumped out? #WWJD #YOLO
…Discover yourself ♥